White wall

I want to see the world's ugliest carpet...no I Demmand that we see The World's Ugliest Carpet. Don't tease.

NO! Just close your eyes and imagine a thrifty landlady shopping for carpet. She passes row after row of lush samples in beautifully nuanced colors. She sees one that looks like old pizza that has been left in the fridge for months and has grown lumpy mold in hues of shit brown, dirty khaki and stale breadcrust. Its colors and its pile are varied in the style of the 1970s.

She says, "That's it!"

Thanks. It truly is an awesome carpet to behold. We threw ours out, which I will always regret.

Aha! The landlord must have gotten your carpet out of the dumpster to install in my apartment!