The (f)Art of War

sir! the enemy is in range!
excellent, corporal! fire the cannons!
yes sir!
oh my god! what is that awful smell? corporal, is that you?
sir?
did you just let loose?
what? no sir! it's the enemy, sir! they're using chemical weapons on us!
oh, is that all? for a second there, I was going to be very put out. carry on, corporal!
yes sir!