The Watering Can

THE WATERING CAN INCIDENT a poem by Bill Mitton

I said I hadn't borrowed it
so stop accusing me!
but the bugger wouldn't listen
how stupid can you be?
Anyway, the damned thing leaked!
and it was far from being new.
but he just went on about it
There was nothing I could do

So I soaked him with the hosepipe
By Gum! he did get vexed
if he hadn't fallen on his arse.
who knows where we'd been next.
He jumped up like a young un
his vengeance for to take
but he trod upon the upturned blade
and met the handle of the rake.

By eck! his nose looked awful
and his lip was cut as well
so he never saw the bucket
and so once again he fell
It could have been quite serious
so when you take it, all in all
he really was quite lucky when
the manure heap, broke his fall.

He staggered to his feet AGAIN
Yea Gods he looked a sight
and if he'd packed in at that point
he'd have probably been alright
but no, he'd got his dander up
he just would not see sense.
so in his rage he mistakenly
leaned on the broken fence
it's lucky that the duck pond
is really shallow at the back
unluckily when they get frightened
it's well known that, ducks attack.

He refused the help I offered
I tried to make the peace
but he slammed the gate behind him
and that upset the Geese
I think he got away unscathed
but I couldn't really see
he was hidden by the foliage
as he was sitting in the tree.

I put the Geese back in their pen
then I heard a yell and crash
the tree was now unoccupied
and he was face down in the grass
But just as quick he was up again
and running through the trees
which I thought rather strange until
I saw the pursuing swarm of bees.

Just then old Jack he ambled up
He said “Yon looks a busy man,
I’m sorry that I missed him though
I’ve brought back his watering can.”