Iran and Afghanistan

hello, may I help you? yeah, I'm the painter. I'm here to paint the building. painter? we called no painter. I wrote down the address. it's correct, right? well, yes. ok then. you want one coat or two? no no no. I want no paint. the building is covered in mosaic tile, you see. tile doesn't get painted. and nice tile it is too. but that don't solve my problem, which is I got a truck full of paint you are telling me you don't need. that is a problem, yes. so how you gonna fix it? what color is the paint? well, you got your reds, your yellows, your blues. the tiles here are a little. . . monochromatic, I suppose. I don't know about that. they're pretty black and white though. yes. maybe a little color here and there might be. . . acceptable. fantastic. we'll have this place looking like Disneyland in no time. actually, I'm not sure that would go over too well. no? how come? just a feeling.

lord, remember back when real men carried spears? ah, those were the days, archangel. man, we had fun then, didn't we? all that fire and brimstone. miracles. you name it. we pretty much ran the show. well, except for that one so-called god, ba'al. yeah. ba'al. what a turd. and that name! too weird. he had alot of 'em fooled there, for awhile. until we ran him off. yeah. now he's selling used cars in paterson, new jersey. there's a god for you. no doubt. say, pass me a lightning bolt, would you? this one? yeah. I feel a little . . . archaic. if you know what I mean. hey, go for it. you are the lord. that's a fact. a real fact, lord. true that.

stop your vehicle. you must know the password to continue. password? geez, I don't know. how about: please? sorry, not even close. um, ok. pretty please? very good. proceed. have a nice day. wow. that was easy. things are not complicated here. you're kidding, right?

good morning, herr doktor. come here, boy. look at this marvelous box. where'd it come from? I uncovered it at the archeological site. looks persian. way older than that, actually. see these symbols? very ancient. cool. are you gonna open it? no. but you are. me? how come? my boy, I have determined that opening this ancient reliquary will unleash forces the world has never seen. yeah? ok. but where are you going doktor? don't worry. I'll be right outside. behind this massive lead shield. ok. the top just comes off so easy. what's that? OH MY GOD!!! AAAAAAGH!!! I was right! ha ha!! I'll be rich! oh, uh, how are you, my boy? are you, er, there? [gurgle] I see. well, I'll just send your mother a note that you won't be home for dinner. [foop] or at all.