Pictures for Pam, Day 21: Oak Leaf Cradled by Pine Needles

Wow! How time flies! It's been three weeks since beginning this project for Pam and my life has changed so much for the better. Previously I had retreated into my shell to the point that I wasn't really communicating with anyone at all except my husband. I spent my free time playing a space game called Eve Online, where I became a "Capsuleer" and flew around a universe in my many different space ships. I mined asteroids for ore, I ferried goods across galaxies from station to station, I built ships and explored old relics, breaking codes to get precious cargo. But you see, Eve is a game where other players can actually attack and destroy your ship—and kill your character. I lived in fear when I went out on my adventures because I am not aggressive and just want to have a nice time. Unfortunately, this game is aimed at people who enjoy hunting and killing other players. A great many of them make it their mission to make non-aggressive people's lives miserable if they can. Though I stayed in an area that was generally safe, there are no guarantees, and I was always worried.

Once I learned that Pam had come so close to losing her life, it shocked me back to reality. I looked at my life which had become so cold, grey and silent. My creative spirit was gone. The passion that once bubbled within me did not exist. I cared about nothing. I didn't even know who I was anymore, and it didn't matter.

I wanted to show Pam that I cared about her, that I was thinking about her. As I mentioned in the first post of this project, I figured the best way to do this would be in the form of a picture along with something fun for her to read. When I realized that meant I'd actually have to pick up my camera, I was like, "NO! I'm not in the mood!" The idea of being creative felt like kryptonite to me. But I knew better and forced myself to do it. I took a picture and posted it, writing a journal entry to finish it off. The ipernity community, my old friends, acquaintances, so many people responded so warmly to welcome me back into the fold. I felt like I'd come home to a place I belonged. The suggestion to create a special Pictures for Pam group was perfect and brought everyone closer with a combined purpose to show Pam how much we care.

The transformation back to my bubbly, effervescent self happened so fast that I sometimes question whether or not I'd actually sunk so low beforehand. There really is no question about it though. The important thing is that because of my desire to bring some joy to Pam, I found myself back on ipernity, and then all of you took over. You picked me up, held me high in the air and paraded me around, patting me with encouragement and showing me that I had value. That I was good for something...that I do have talent. I did not lose my ability to take nice pictures or to write well. Just as Pam has said to all of us, the care and genuine sincerity in your comments to me have left me overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. I am so thankful—but truly there isn't any way to properly express how much your caring has meant to me. Just know that my life has changed profoundly, and it has everything to do with all of you. *long, warm hugs to each of you*

Today I share another leaf! To those of you who are tired of my leaves, I apologize but they are always singing to me and I cannot help but capture them for everyone to see! I found this lovely oak leaf on my walk the other day when I explored our lower forest to see what it looked like now. I'd been concentrating on where my feet were going, as I didn't want to step on anything special. At one point I looked up and BAM! Here's this leaf, cradled by pine needles and right in my face! I burst out with an excited "WOW!! WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT!" Part of me began to counter the idea since I am forever taking pictures of leaves, but I whacked the thought right out of my mind and wayyyyyy off into the bleachers. "NOOP! I'm taking this picture!"

Pam, I hope that this has been a good week for you. I hope you can feel improvement from one week to the next. I hope your vision and energy is improving and I hope that you are comfortable and happy. We love you. Thank you for all that you have done for me...just by being you.

Explored on 11/30/18, highest placement, #5.