Rich I tell you! For years I’ve been sailing the seven seas (what does that actually mean?) looting and pillaging trying to make my fortune. I’ve seen off other pirates and landlubbers alike, dug for buried treasure on lonely tropical islands, made scurvy dogs walk the plank, and all I had to do was work hard to make my fortune.

The Ship’s Dog is 8 today. Maybe I should buy him a diamond encrusted studded collar? Maybe he’d just eat it… I could buy a new ship, but I quite like this one and I can’t be bothering with painting a new one. I could go on an extended pillaging raid, take a break from the real world. Nice thought. I could bribe the Cabin Boy to forget about college and come with; give him some proper training in the ways of a pirate. I could sail to the far reaches of the globe; make the scurvy dog that is my ex walk the plank into shark infested waters? His new wife could join him for keeping on and on and on about us visiting. I’m warming to this idea LOL.

I could buy a whole new wardrobe of black trousers and pretty embroidered blouses. Not lacy ones though, never lacy… How about a new shiny cutlass; mine has had a lot of use after all. I could have one hand made by a master craftsman. I could dine on finest caviar (have you smelled that stuff? Yuck!) I could buy better quality rum. Learn how to make sourdough bread (I love it but it can be pricey). Have my own coffee plantation. Crikey, there’s an idea! So many things I could do.

Where would I start? New clothes? Or an upgrade to the ship? The galley could be bigger. Forget swinging a cat (of 9 tails) I couldn’t swing a rat in my galley without braining it. A new hammock is a possibility too. Mine is nice, but pretty old now. A new skull and crossbones might be nice, and a good polishing of the crow’s nest. I could have a muscular pirate rub down the woodwork and varnish it. I’d keep his shirt safe so he didn’t get varnish on it. I’d pay to watch that ;)

The Cabin Boy could have new clothes, maybe even a shiny flintlock. He’s almost twenty; he could even have his own ship! We could race each other across the seas, the Ship’s Dog barking wildly, trying to be the first to pillage any stricken vessels we come across. He could menace scurvy dogs before I make them walk the plank. Think of all the fun we could have now that I’m rich.

Decisions… Decisions… What exactly can I buy with my new found fortune of an extra twenty pence a month? ROFL

Have a great weekend :)